Handstand Records

DIY LABEL & DISTRO SINCE 2000 // hardcore punk metal indie rock vinyl

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Mutant Scum and Coronavirus

The toxic substance classified as Mutant Scum was first discovered by S.E.W.E.R. scientists back in 2015. While symptomatically similar to the Coronavirus, telltale signs of exposure to Mutant Scum include dystonic head tremors and involuntary neck spasms – colloquially referred to as “headbanging”. Protective attire is recommended when handling any materials potentially contaminated with COVID-19, Caesium-137, etc.

Coronavirus-laden respiratory droplets can survive on hard surfaces for up to 72 hours, but only 24 hours on cardboard. Coupled with the fact that I rarely leave the house or interact with people, this means that ordering from the distro is a relatively safe experience.